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Lesson One: Kuchisake-Onna - SFA [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Superstitious Freaks Anonymous

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Lesson One: Kuchisake-Onna [Aug. 30th, 2006|10:32 pm]
Superstitious Freaks Anonymous


[Current Mood |awakeawake]
[Current Music |"Salmarnir" UnderOath]

Firstly, you need to know what a kuchisake-onna is. It's a vengeful female spirit of a Heian-period Japanese woman whose husband/samurai lord cut her mouth ear-to-ear and left her for dead whilst screaming "Who will think you're pretty now?!" Thus, she's a bit angry because she was VAIN. And we know that vanity is a sin, right?

Now, it's highly unlikely that you'll encounter a kuchisake-onna unless you live in Japan or Korea. But you don't know how not to be gotten until you've been gotten or someone's told you. So this is how to kick the ass of a kuchisake-onna in three easy steps.

Step One
Encounter the kuchisake-onna. This is best done if you are a child (under the age of 17) or a college student (17/18-22/23) late at night on a street with a flickering streetlight. This is also easier if you go to Japan or Korea.

Step Two
Answer the kuchisake-onna's questions. She should ask "Atashi wa kirei?" This means "Am I pretty?" You should answer yes. At this point, she will take off her mask. Do not run, scream, or call the Ghostbusters. Don't even call Dean. She'll ask the same question as before. You should answer yes. At this point, the spirit will be appeased and it will simply vanish. However, if it is significantly enraged, it will try and cut up your face if you're a girl. If you're a guy, it will probably attack you with intent to kill you. Throw something shiny to your left. Candy will do. When it turns away, shoot its ass with rock salt.

Step Three
Find its body and burn it. This step may be skipped if you appeased the spirit. If you shot its ass with rock salt, you need to get moving. This may be done with some sexy taunting and flaunting of manly assets, but only if you are as cute as the Winchesters.